Everyday at work is a struggle. A struggle to stay positive...a struggle to understand what I am doing in this job....a struggle to remember what my purpose here on earth is....A constant struggle to be happy...Then I go home and I am still in a bad mood for a while. It takes an hour or two for the joy to come back into my life.

I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I try to fight it but my thoughts are consumed with how much I hate my job and my negativity starts to seap out...I start complaining. My head is consumed with all the reasons I hate my job...I start resenting other people for my own situation. I wonder why I haven't found another job. I wonder why I didn't get the job of my dreams that I was so counting on. I start to question God and his motives for my life. I wonder why I am not somewhere better- my definition of better- not the world's. I start to wonder if I should just move and start over. My co-workers don't understand. Why not stay here and make more money? I say- why not be happy? Why not do something I am passionate about? The corporate world thinks I should find happiness here....be traditional- they think....

I know my life will be different than others. My life will not be traditional. I expect big things- just don't know what yet. It seems like I am always saying the same thing. God, guide me somewhere else- show me to a greater path..Where is it? Am I not looking hard enough? not praying hard enough? Is my view of my life totally wrong? Am I truly supposed to be a robot with a Christ-like image to influence others? What I mean by that is work like a robot in my job, but show the Christian side of life to co-workers. Maybe this is it, but I can't accept it! I can't do this anymore. I need to feel accomplishments! I need to end the day with a feeling of joy.